Its one of the best books I've read so far. Beautiful and simple language illustrate every tiny bit of the book. You live the book. You are the book. I love it. Worth every ounce of prais e it has got. RED! ( pun intended) :)

argggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Damn everything! Am really done. Am exhausted just listening.
Good luck and may God be with you, cause they certainly arent.

I am screaming, but there isn't any voice. Is anyone listening at all?
I am screaming, but there is silence all around. Does anyone know me at all?
I am screaming, reaching out for help.
Why isn't anyone here?

To old times and new,
To everything and more,
To good luck and love.

Nonsense

A bit of this
a bit of that
another altogether
mutation?

i look over,
its finished.
but its really not.
maya?

a fear unheard of,
a silent prayer,
life and death
dream?

unrelated words
hastily put together
a collage
nonsense?

you'd think.

vague philosophy

A little jinn came away here, called my bluff and made me hear. Of things that might happen, or which will. i heard, standing patiently- his stories had every truth. A word seemingly bizarre to me. It was sunset and as he spoke, she shone, of wisdom of long and lore. i was at his feet, when he disappeared slowly, in a wisp of smoke, but leaving me with a small lamp. 'Jinns dont live in lamps. They live in your minds and souls, free you mind of all its restrictions, and fly free of bounds, and clinched existance. The lamp is but a symbol of all the assumptions that you have to break free from' he said as he faded.

Remember Alice In wonderland? its where i want to be. Free of restrictive imagination.

Memory Games

i am forgetful. Its a disease. No, really it is. I cant remember what I told you a minute ago. This causes a lot of repetitions and unnecessary confusion. My friends tell me it isnt a problem, because I come out with different conclusions every time Im confronted with a problem and I often contradict myself. Apparently, I am told, its amusing to watch. Maybe I should explain
Vani : ( looking at kavi and me) so in conclusion, I dont like eating out either!
Me: oh yes, I agree, hate it!
Kavi: ( 15 mins later) hey girls , am sorry, Mums going out, well have to cook ourselves.
Me: Oh why? Cant we just go out and eat?
Kavi: I thought you dont like it?
Me: What? Nonsense! Who told you that?
( This story is made up. The real story? I promise, I forgot!)

I have really bad memory too. I just cant remember. I have a friend of thirteen years, who once was talking to me aboutthis person that we used to be friends with apparently. Dont you remember !!? she said. She was kidding me. I cant remember the her phone number in all these years, and she wanted me to remember a whole person!!?? Whatll she want me to do next, invent cure for cancer?

Its not only that I have bad memory, things I cant remember, I make up. For a long time I believed that I fell off a swing and hurt my head. That it bled profusely. Till this friend told me swings were always off limits for us. We never were allowed on them. I believed this imagination to be so true, that it became a memory.I dont know, how many other such memories I have. Make belief ones.

Its a recent diagnosis. Till then I believed fiercely that I had a great memory, and had heated arguments with anyone challenging my version. So am sorry for all the nonsense Ive meted out to you guys. Knowing now, that you cunning asses will trick me into agreeing to anything, I plan to carry a tape with me at all times. Unless I forget.

what!!?

Randomness rules aint it?

a long beautiful walk , a passage of nostalgia and the strange whistle of an insect nearly unheard due to the whistle of the passing train. Ice cream and friends. Photographs , here and there. A compliment. a fight. or two. Zoology and printing. Catching up. Wonderful books that take you to 15th century.

my yesterday.

whats up for today?

This is dedicated to the tikkal club
Thanks bhav!

A spider climbed the wall
'oh' thought the ant' what gall!'
All because he has so many legs
he treats us like bloody dregs!!

The new unknown

The skies beckon
Its freedom's call
An excitement
An exhilaration of the unknown

An escape of ways
From the dreary old
So beautifully new
An exhilaration of the unknown

An unchecked fall
Disfigured melody
Unrhymed walk
An exhilaration of the unknown

it is but the journey to the odd.

scars

The trumpet call
shatters the cold dark night
as the shots of life and death ring
Loudly, sharp and a crack
a life. a story . lost
Circles continue
as life itself ceases

Paradise stained- Red!
as the clouds of despair loom
The noise of silence echoes
the battle scars- Forever.



some vague poem for cul week two years back.

Noise.
doesn't let you think. its a refuge. clutters your mind. doesn't let you ask questions, or think of the consequences.
Noise.
its your defense. your wall from the world. your evasiveness. your everything.
Noise.
because when its not there , you realize how incredibly lonely you really are.

breach of freedom?

Today is valentines day. Its not of any particular interest to me. It never was. But today, i saw, in front of my eyes, the failing of basic human rights of decency. The principal of my fantastic college got up in the morning and thought- 'oh i've nothing planned for today, lets just, humiliate the students' with what i assume a satisfied grin on her face.
Pre wanted the day to be nice. she wanted to go out. 'our last one together girls!' please 'lets all dress up please!!' . now, i really like Pre, so i said ok, lets just dress up, i mean there no harm in that right? so i waltz into an auto, with my pretty brown skirt only to be stopped on the way in. Girls huddled together because of apparent 'indecent' clothes. The definition of their 'indecent' ??? a girl got thrown out because kurta nearly two times her size, and that reached her knee was 'indecent'! her id was taken, she was humiliated , asked to bead over, all in front of a male watchman.Is this the empowerment that you keep talking about so often ma'am? and something that takes the cake, is girls were sent home, because they wore red and pink. on valentines day. because it is valentines day. i heard a horrid story, cant comment on its authenticity but, where a professor asked a girl to bend over, and poured water into her trousers, because it was loose. please tell me/ who the F#@$ are they to treat us that way?
My question is this- How does a dress code matter? How does what you wear decide who you are? or how intelligent you are? and whatever happened to freedom of choice? isn't what happened today a breach of my right to be an individual? my right to be me? aren't you hampering our growth instead of empowering us?
And my principal, a lady who claims that she has no time or energy to 'deal' with us- her students, is not only capable, but is also a coward. Who is she running the college for herself? or us? i have a theory about her. I think she is a secret activist of Hindu fanatics, lurking around in a Christian institution, wondering who her next prey is. but. There is always a force that is greater than everything. Power in numbers. Power of the people. rebellion. satyagraha. whaever.
i may pass out in two months, but, the fight for freedom will continue, and i have a feeling , am on the winning side.
till next time.

the countdown has begun, the time is nearing, its nearly time for graduation!

Will I lose my identity when I step out? Or will I find me like I’ve been trying to do the past years. I’ll miss college. I’ll miss fun. I’ll miss friends. I’ll miss knowing shortcuts to and out of class.. I’ll miss knowing the secret loo on the 2nd floor of physics block. I’ll miss peeping into apartments next door to check out the good looking boys, I’ll miss chemistry labs with ramakrishna’s kind face, I’ll miss the dingy dark zoo labs, with a smell of rotten fish that wont go away, I’ll miss my biotech labs with all its brightness and nagin dances. ill miss planning to sneak out of class but chickening out at the last minute. I’ll miss bitching and cursing the zoology department. I’ll miss all our Sholay remakes and the Gabbars and the basantis.. I’ll miss sitting in the auditorium with broken fans whirling in laziness to see the Indian dance. I’ll miss screaming on top of my voice for them. I’ll miss cul ah, I’ll miss the dogs, I’ll miss Sujata’s overpriced coffee and her smile when she says ‘ whaaat da?’. I’ll miss the home science block. I’ll miss scrounging the tree near the canteen for those beautiful flowers . I’ll miss sitting in the basketball court and smiling at madness, because it reminds you of you. I’ll miss being mad. I’ll miss last minute dashes to the cauvery to watch movies, I’ll miss sneaking in vodka into college. I’ll miss gossip, fashion and misfashion. I’ll miss coffee chocolate ice cream cones.. I’ll miss unplanned discussions about life. I ‘ll miss the fiction part in the library where more often than not, I go when I cant borrow the book. I’ll miss sneaking into the library to check out the score of cricket matches, in TV in the reference section, I’ll miss long walks in the campus, I’ll miss green. I’ll miss teachers even. But most of all I’ll miss the sense of belonging. Of being a carmalite. College has taught me confidence, sense of adventure, its given my bestest friends ever. And the best times ever and also that throwing a little attitude hurt no one. Like bhavya said, the footsteps are closer to the door now. Our door to the world. It has to be inevitably opened. But till then, I’ll enjoy a few more days of being a kid with no worries. Adieu to my life in mount carmel. I’ll miss you.but you are always in my heart.

random thoughts

sometimes, i want time to stop, like a pause in your DVD movies, where no one grows older or younger, where the sights , smell and sounds of that moment are imprinted in your heart and it fills it for eternity. i want life itself to be held on a breath, afraid to inhale or exhale, not knowing what may happen , when the moment slips. i want total anonymity, a total lack of knowledge of anything else, except that moment. i want to live that . i want to be that. i know, life'll go on and what i want or what i feel will not matter for more than a millisecond, but, its beautiful still, the world and the moment in its entirety.

cat!

there was once a cat
who thought he wasnt
so he was a cat who wasnt.

Have you looked out of the window, in between work, caught the rays of the setting sun, and felt unreasonably happy? Have you eaten an ice cream candy and felt six year old again? Have you ever contemplated buying yourself a balloon just because the colour was pretty? or Have you wished to sit in a swing again.. to Have the unbridled freedom, where your feet nearly touched the sky? Have you even felt like stopping the buddi ka baal vendors to eat those lovely sweet white fibers... Have you ever felt like going back to your childhood?
after quite a depressing week( or two) of doing the records, procrastinating, yelling and screaming, today was pleasant change.. I love today. I bought a balloon, ate an ice cream.. The only thing I dint do was sit on the swing.( see the park near my house has a board on the set-'above 10 year olds cannot have a swinging time here)
oh I love the swing.... Even as I child,it was my favorite. It is a fantastic feeling to feel the wind in your hair as you go higher and higher up... I still remember the contests.... I had one recently, in Bhavya's house... I lost to a six year old. But I haven't felt happier in my life...On a swing, you have no worries.. No assignments, no records. Nothing. Just plain unadulterated fun!!
I know of lot of people who would think of it as being.. Putting it politely funny.. But just because you are an adult doesn't actually mean you can't have fun now, does it?
Am going to Bhavya's house again. And maybe this time I'll win!

The GameWorld triolgy

I just love books. And fantasy, dragons, elves, fairies always fascinated me. Always! .. maybe it cause of the Enid Blyton effect. I ‘ve read so many of her works when I was a kid that I thought fairies actually existed. Believed it with all my heart that one day when I was old enough that one would come knockin on my window ( the fact that there wasn’t a window in my room was trivial ) like in the book – The Magic Faraway Tree – and take me to those wonderful lands. Why am I babbling about fairies etc? Cause, I read a book. (WOW! You might say. Can you do that? ) a book that I enjoyed so much, that I had to share it with others. The book is Samit basu’s gameworld trilogy.( though technically its two book I’ve read and the third isn’t out yet.) He’s great. He’s awesome. So much so that I want to marry him (kidding! But if you are. Samit Basu,Call me! My no is………) anyway, back to the book.. its brilliant.. a complex interweaving of mythology of all cultures( ok I confess! I got that of the back of the book.). It’s a well written spoof that surprisingly has a story of its own- beautifully written.(I wrote THAT on my own). Well, It’s hilarious, its entertaining, its thoroughly enjoyable. All in all a great book. A must read for people who appreciate good books or just want to have a good laugh. It’s a true stress buster with its Gods, dragons, Vamanas, Rakshas, pashans . Read!

Fountainhead

I finished Ayn Rand’s Fountain. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! But I haven’t been able to decide whether I like it or not. It was my most difficult read. When I started to read it.. I expected to like it. Because everyone I know had. But isn’t it the same with that play or that book – gallant gallstone in fountainhead. Well, the ideas are refreshing if not shocking. But do you actually think people like Roark exist in the world? Is it possible for anyone to be so indifferent to everybody? Well, personally I don’t think so. The characters in the book, Roark, Dominque, Wayland are different from each other but are essentially just the same. People have claimed that the book changed their lives or the way they think. But isn’t that what the book is warning you about-Listening to others, being led by others, not knowing what you want? Well…

We are all born second handers. Everyone I know is. Even the fountainhead cult members. What was the purpose of this book- I wondered for the week after I finished the book( notice the use of the word finished.). Did it change my life. Is my life any different compared to BF(before fountainhead) . Nope. Not at all. Its just the same. Maybe I have a little more confidence in my opinions. See, am not selling my soul. But. Other than that, it’s the same. No moment of clarity. Not light of realization. Just a reality that the book is a work of fiction. I might not be able to decide if I like the book. But I have to give it to the lady. Its quite an unforgettable book.

The empty wall

The world to him –an empty wall

A canvas to paint; to leave his mark

With paintbrush of confidence

And paint of compassion

Set he off on a mission

The canvas that seemed empty before

To paint, to name his own

Jumped to life; filling

Intricate work with colours unknown

A world he knew not shown

As he stood, astounded

The paint along with his confidence ebbed .

As he watched the beautiful cruelty

That the world is. Often we miss

What we mean not to miss.

The world seemed so colourful

So full of life.

But yet so sad. Depressing even.

Wasn’t there anyone who could

Make any difference?

He reached out, the boy.

Through the pain.

And touched a life and spread some joy

So he didn’t own the world

But difference, he did make at least in one life

He wasn’t alone. His friends came

Soon many lives were touched

Many laughs shared.

The wall- the world was as intricate

But with a little less despair.

Meghna Iyengar