TYPICAL ZOOLOGY CLASS:

SCENE 1- theory class.(has benches with students on them, blackboard. teacher enters with chalk-white, pink, blue etc)

TEACHER: where were we? Yes the migration of eel and salmon.

(scribbles on the board. A arrow here, a arrow there till it looks like a very ‘pointy’ butterfly.)

TEACHER : and that is how the migration takes place!

ESTUDENTS: (all gaping dumbly while singing in their minds-we don’t need no education…)

SCENE 2- Lab. ( two students ask to be let into class five minutes late )

TEACHER: Ah!1 and 2 why have you come so early? The next class doesn’t start for another two hours.

1&2: sorry ma’am was stuck in traffic.

TEACHER: why? And when you know no dear that the bangalore traffic’s bad antha. Then you should leave no early?.. I live so far , and you don’t have to cook and clean no? At home.. Your mummys cook no? Tell me? You cook at home?

1: (softly) no ma’am

TEACHER: (suddenly) what you girls lack is respect. We do so much for you and what do you do? Nothing. I’ll tell you, you won’t do anything but get married and wash vessel.( turning to 1 and 2) what will your mother in law say? Your mummys and daddys will get a bad name no? and we are not here to teach you zoology. That is open and book, you can learan on your own. Why are we here?” (looks at 5, 6, 7 and waves 1 and 2 in) all the clothes you wear ! Goodness!.. all panties peeping out. Its so embarrassing to the external examiners! I mean you know , its like, we aren’t interested . all of us have the same thing? Nobody’s interested in seeing your mammary glands!

ESTUDENTS: (thinking together) our what!!!!????

TEACHER : (continuing) and all that love affair and all you get into. Do you know its useless. How will you get married if someone finds out? You don’t move to the left when a teacher is passing by. Don’t stand up and wish her. At least respect her age. When we were young… (Bell rings!! Thank God!)

Ok finish the record till what we did today. And get the book next week. You girls disturb me so much. I can’t do anything in class at all

STUDENTS: (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

SCENE 3- The department-(students 3 and 4 go to the department)

ESTUDENTS: ma’am we have a doubt. Are you free?

TEACHERS: Yes, yes, come in. yes tell me.

ESTUDENTS: ma’am, in phylum mammilia…..

TEACHER : (cutting of the students) Ah! Before that , were 7 and 8 in class today?

ESTUDENTS: don’t think so ma’am. 7 has a high fever. And 8 hasn’t come to college.

TEACHER: just as I thought! Somebody has given them proxy. 1 and 5 are absent too.( seriously) why didn’t you give proxy? You don’t like them?

ESTUDENTS: (too shocked to react)

SCENE 4 : the Parent teacher meeting.

TEACHER: good morning ma’am. How are you?

PARENT: fine. You?

TEACHER: good. (looking at the estudent who’s standing next to her parent). We don’t have any complaints about your daughter ma’am. She answers in class and does her work on time.

PARENT : ( perplexed) then why was I called here? I was lead to believe that there was a problem with my daughter.

TEACHER: not actually ma’am, the only problem we have is that she talks in an accent. She doesn’t talk to everyone. WE think she has a attitude problem(looking at the estudent) will you talk to your mother in law also like this?

PARENT: did she something to you?

TEACHER : no its just the way she walks . looks like she has an attitude.

PARENT: ( thinking the dept is crazy) but she talks like that to everyone. To me and even to the maids! Anyway I’ll ask her to try and control it!

TEACHER: ( to student as they are leaving) Will you remember us even after you have gotten married and gone to Australia?